CALGARY, AB — Grade 4 student and fifth in line for being most popular, Cydney Applebaum, has reported feeling ecstatic after her recent purchase of a white puka shell necklace on a recent family vacation.
“I was totally freaking out,” exclaimed an enthusiastic Applebaum. “As we were ending our third day in Cocoa Beach, I realized I didn’t have anything yet to prove I had actually been away in Florida. Like sure, my hair was in full cornrows and the burns on my chest and face were fading into a decent tan, but I was worried people wouldn’t notice. Thank goodness as I was walking down the boardwalk a woman came up to me with the most unique necklace I’ve ever seen.”
“And it was only $27.99. That’s, like, a steal!”
While Mrs. Applebaum, Cydney’s mother, most definitely did not think it was a steal, she was happy to please her daughter and end the “non-stop whine-a-thon” that had occurred for the second leg of their family vacation.
Statistically most upper middle class parents have faced the the fear of not buying their children the perfect “on vacation gift”. While many un-cool parents contend the vacation itself is “gift enough”, what is not being taken into account is that “experiences” hold zero currency in middle school.
“She looked really sophisticated,” confirmed Cydney’s third best friend Chelsea. “The necklace is really making all the right people notice Cyd, including Michael A. Last year when she went on March break, all she got a was a postcard, and that really dropped her status. Why would you buy a postcard to a place you had already been? I was embarrassed to be seen with her.”
“The best part of this necklace is it will never go out of style,” shouted an eager Cydney. And though Cydney’s parent’s think she will live to regret the purchase, researches have found that puka necklaces will never truly go out of style, as long as there are 9-year-old white girls on beach vacations.
At press time Cydney’s newly found necklace confidence has pushed her to asking for a boy-girl birthday party.