It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos - The Beaverton

It’s too soon for stores to be hanging Christmas dildos

By: Aaron Buck

The snow has arrived and with it, the approaching holiday season. Whether you celebrate , , or simply use the cold weather to get close with family and friends, what I think we can all agree on, is that it is far too soon for stores to be hanging their Christmas everywhere.

I get it, I really do. What is it about outfits, sexy little elves, and the sultry look in ’s eye as his nose glows that doesn’t get your juices flowing? This isn’t about the objective sex-appeal the season brings us, but about the timing. I saw one store in particular hang them in the first week of . I mean, can’t we have our -butt-plugs out and done with first before ramming a giant Yuletide down our throats?

Shameful, really.

I think we should at least wait until December, don’t you? After all, almost the entire month is dominated by talk of jingle bells, boughs of holly, and plastic twelve-inch peppermint flavoured cocks. Why does November need to ALSO be dominated by wet-dreams of Sugar Plum Fairies doing a strip-tease in our local ?

Am I the crazy one?

I think there’s blame to be laid for the abject consumerism pushed onto us by companies as well. Gifts are supposed to be a gesture of love more than the worth of the object itself. Imagine the look of pure adulation in the eyes of someone who received a Christm-ASS Blaster 8000 with turbo pulsing action from you, without them seeing it in the window of your favourite store first – a full month in advance. There’s just no comparison.

Let’s all take a step back and appreciate the time we have before we’re bogged down with the holiday season, I promise the dildos will be there. Until then, we have the soft, supple, irresistible snowy blanket of cum from mother nature to keep us nice and .

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