“The trick is confidence” says man who has never contributed anything useful to society - The Beaverton

“The trick is confidence” says man who has never contributed anything useful to society

OTTAWA — Despite failing to contribute anything useful to society, Tom Phillips, 32, has said to anyone listening, that the secret to all success in life is merely “”.

“You gotta walk into every situation like you’re the most qualified person there,” continued Phillips, who dropped out of college and is VP of Sales for Hamilton Mortgages, “When believe you’re the most qualified, you are”.

Phillips, whose first job came from a friend of his father’s, has climbed the corporate ladder at a speed that he attributes to his “million dollar smile” and that his boss attributes to him “playing golf with the company president”.

“Tom keeps telling me I’m still an intern because I don’t know how to put myself out there,” said Isabel Cortez, who has a Bachelor’s in Finance and a Law Degree. “Then he told me to look for loopholes to privacy laws that he can present to the board”.

Recently, Phillips has been considering his legacy, and plans to give back to his community with a series of motivational talks on how to “Take Up Space”, “Be the Loudest Voice in the Room”, and “Say Whatever Comes to Mind”. Tickets are priced at $350 a seat.

Phillips has even shared a sneak preview of his talk: “You can be the smartest person in the world, but unless you turn it up all day, every day, you’re never going to have the money for a yacht or, you know, a bigger yacht. You gotta dream big”

At press time, Phillips was busting out a guitar at a house party and offering to play “Wonderwall”.

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