Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect - The Beaverton
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Breaking: man lies about dating teenager, but not in the way you’d expect

LOS ANGELES – Musician and former famous person is in the news for resolutely insisting he dated actress when he was in his mid-thirties and she was a Harvard freshman and recent child, despite Portman’s assertion that they never dated.

Fans of Portman and people who dimly recall Moby are puzzled by the unfolding story, and social media is only adding to the confusion as most posters assume Moby is trending because he must be strenuously denying dating a teenager who was almost half his age when in fact he is strenuously insisting that’s what happened.

“It’s common knowledge that if you don’t like what’s being said, you should always try to change the conversation,” PR expert Sheryl Norton said when asked about the story. “But it’s also common knowledge to never, ever, change the conversation to ‘let’s talk about the time I was an adult man who was dating or trying to date a teenager.’”

While some have pointed out that if, despite Portman’s statement to the contrary, Moby is telling the truth about the relationship, an eighteen-year-old Portman was over the age of consent at the time he claims they were dating. However, others have pointed out that anyone who brings up the age of consent in a discussion about the predatory behaviour of an adult man attempting to date a teenager is really fucking creepy.

Other famous men who have allegedly or admittedly dated teenagers while they were themselves in their thirties have weighed in on the controversy, with the actor Henry Cavill commenting “no comment,” comedian Jerry Seinfeld saying “I’d rather not discuss this,” and the musician Drake remarking “I would prefer not to be mentioned in regards to this topic.”