OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau took the bold step of putting out a fire out by pouring a bucket of kerosene on it.
“I told myself: Justin, this has to end,” Trudeau said, with his jacket and one pant leg literally on fire. “The Liberal Party has been suffering too long. This conflagration, despite being so minor no one should have bothered paying attention to it, nonetheless required decisive action. So I picked up the nearest container of liquid to douse the flames. Turns out, it was highly flammable.”
“People have to know that when I am quite determined – I make something happen one way or another!” shouted Trudeau to journalists as he rolled on the ground to put out his burning clothes.
Liberal MPs applauded Trudeau’s decision, before promptly fleeing due to smoke inhalation and encroaching flames.
“We needed our leader to do something,” said backbench MP Wayne Long. “The fire had been burning for so long it was damaging my – um – our prospects of re-election. He had to step up and make something happen. And now he has.” Long gestured to the caucus room that had become a raging inferno. “That should put a stop to everything.”
According to sources, Andrew Scheer was gleefully watching the flames consume the Liberal party from a safe distance, and vowing to avoid such problems in his future government by never selecting any Conservative candidates with an ounce of integrity.