WASHINGTON DC – President Donald Trump is currently late for an important meeting with the Chinese ambassador to the United States after taking twenty minutes to put on his boots and snow pants.
According to acting White House Chief of Staff Mick Mulvaney, when first attempting to leave Trump Tower, President Trump did not respond to his cajoling for several minutes, claiming he had to finish his tweet. Mulvaney relented, but when he could see that Trump was starting another tweet, he resorted to a countdown, an offer of an imaginary trophy, and finally loud clapping to spur the President into action.
“Oh he’s just being fussy,” said Mulvaney. “It’s just his way, and we know how to handle him around here. For example, if he falls down and then looks around, we know not to react, because then the President would cry. And say racist things.”
Once the President had his snow pants on, he attempted to walk out the door without his boots on before being reminded by Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner that he needed his boots to keep his socks dry. According to those close to the president, he replied “I knoooooow-a” and then watched the same clip of himself on Fox News 5 times before putting on a single boot.
At press time, Trump had put on his second boot but is now in the bathroom, having told his staff 13 separate times not to come into the bathroom because he needs priva-tee.
Presidential experts predict a 50% chance of presidential staff just calling it a day and staying home. This will likely result in further trade breakdowns with China and a trade war.
“This is nothing,” said Kushner. “In Hanoi he refused to meet with Kim Jong-Un until he got his Pokemon cards back, but we had left them in Washington. So we almost had a nuclear war that day. Luckily Kim Jong-Un had brought plenty.”
