Elon Musk investing $800 million to fight own skeleton - The Beaverton

Elon Musk investing $800 million to fight own skeleton

Hawthorne, CA – Billionaire entrepreneur announced on Twitter today that he is beginning a new company that aims to give him the ability to remove his own so he can fight it.

The new venture, called Skelepunch X, will use 800 million dollars of Musk’s own money. The idea for the venture stems from an argument Musk had in a bar one night with Icelandic vocalist Jonsi of Sigur Ros, where Jonsi claimed Elon Musk could not safely remove his own skeleton, let alone find a way to fight it.

“Everything I do is to make the world a better place,” said Musk, who is also a founder of companies such as , SpaceX, The Boring Company and Paypal. “And so after this mind-bending conversation with a celebrity pop star, I thought to myself, would the world be a better place if I could remove my own skeleton, find a way to animate said skeleton, and fight it despite no longer having any bones? The answer has to be yes, especially if this novel turns out to be prophetic.” Musk then held up a tattered and heavily tabbed and highlighted copy of a young adult novel named ‘The Skeleton Wars of Mars’.

The scientific community’s responses have varied from those who dismiss the venture as idiotic, to those who caution skeptics to not count out the South African magnate. “If I had bought stock in Tesla in 2010, I’d be very rich right now,” explained osteopath Dr. Lo Weiss. “So who knows what this guy knows about fighting his own skeleton? Maybe a lot! I say he beats the skeleton by knockout in the fourth round.”

Musk has already hired some of the world’s top biologists, necromancers and Mixed Martial Arts experts, who will be working together in a compound in California to bring Musk’s dream to life, and hopefully solve climate change as a side effect.

“Once the de-boning and re-animating has taken place,” said MMA coach Ronda Rousey, “I will be working intensively with both the skeleton and the rest of Elon Musk to develop a cutting edge fighting style for both fighters that will allow Musk to see with clarity which parts of his body are the best at fighting. Either way, Elon Musk will win.”

At press time, it was rumoured that Jeff Bezos was working on a project to rival Skelepunch X, involving shooting his central nervous system out of a giant cannon onto the moon while still giving it control of his body on earth.

Images via Deposit Photos