VICTORIA – Two B.C. parents advised today that they weren’t sure where they went wrong with their 12 year old son Henry after finding a stash of vaccines in his sock drawer.
“We’ve told him time and time again that vaccines are dangerous, full of mercury and poison and bad energies, but clearly we just didn’t get through,” said mom Celeste. “It’s like he wasn’t even paying attention when I took him to that Jenny McCarthy lecture.”
“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” she added.
Henry had apparently managed to secure vaccines for mumps, measles and pneumococcal pneumonia before being found out, although he swears he was just holding on to them for a friend.
“You never think it’ll be your own flesh and blood acting as a tool for big pharma. But here we are,” said dad Marley before breaking down in sobs.
As punishment Henry’s parents will make him enter a scared straight program, where children are taken to meet all the people whose lives have been ruined by vaccines. The program will begin just as soon as a single person whose life has been ruined by vaccines is located.