Abortion compromise: Republican feminists fight for right to arm vaginas - The Beaverton

Abortion compromise: Republican feminists fight for right to arm vaginas

WASHINGTON, D.C – Maintaining their pro-life, pro-gun stance, a Republican feminist initiative, is fighting to protect women’s rights by allowing them to arm their vaginas.

The “Women’s Right To Shoot” initiative is modelled off the recent program encouraging teachers to undergo firearms training and carry a weapon while teaching, in the hopes it may deter school shootings. The movement claims many types of violence could be stopped if there were more guns available to vulnerable targets, like vaginas.

The campaign has made significant efforts to prevent logistics from becoming the centre point of discussion. “If it can birth a baby, then it has the muscular capacity to fire a gun,” says Patricia Meeks, NRA member and mother of eight girls. “Particularly if you have wide, gun-bearing hips”

“There is a large population of people in this country that value guns more highly than most other things,” says the group founder, Harriet Banning. “It stands to reason that strapping guns to a women’s reproductive system will give it more value by association.”

“It’s often been said that women need to take more responsibility for their our bodies, so this seems to be a clear solution to that. We don’t believe in abortion, but we do believe in protecting women, and this is the middle ground. This country must establish a woman’s right to bear both children and arms.”

The group has received private funding to go ahead with vagina-gun prototypes, with the hopes that it could further the proposal. Some proposed models have included small strap-on weapons, like the ‘Thigh Blaster’ to penetrative internal methods, such as the ‘Pussy-Pistol’ and ‘Kegel Cannon’.

They also propose safety training designed to teach women how to avoid unnecessary harm. In one example, women would be instructed to fire a warning shot by using riot grade rubber bullets, estimating that many unwanted pregnancies could be prevented just by using rubbers or even by firing blanks.

“We’re taking a more practical approach by focusing on prevention. The firearm method isn’t perfect, but name me one method of protection that would be 99% effective in preventing unwanted children. You can’t.”

The group has launched an aggressive lobbying campaign, though many key Republican figures have been hesitant to back the movement, due to their discomfort saying the word “vagina.” Banning plans to rewrite materials with language that more republican men may support, like ‘Dick-Holster’, “Bald Eagle’s Nest” and “Liberty Hole”

Image via Deposit Photos
Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!