How to shed your sunburnt skin like a sexy little snake - The Beaverton

How to shed your sunburnt skin like a sexy little snake

Summer is s-s-sizzlin’ this year with many a warning! If you spent some time soaking up the sun this past weekend or if you have plans to crisp up that epidermis next weekend, here’s how you can slither out of your inevitably sunburnt skin!

Most homo sapiens shed dead skins cells on the regular, like delicious microscopic confetti, however if you’ve undergone what is scientifically known as ouchy-pink-burny-uh-oh skin, then you’ll need to start as soon as possible! Or how the kids say, A$AP!

Just like a legless reptile, you’ll notice that your skin is ripe for shedding with a change in colouring and texture. Your skin should be so dry that it makes you wet. When you graze your fingers over your shoulders, you should hope that it exhibits the same flakiness of a really good croissant.

Now do as the sensual, elongated serpentes do and really rub yourself on a hard surface, make that initial tear, go insatiably wild. Follow that up with extremely graphic shimmying. I cannot stress how much you must shimmy. Undulate your body with the carnal desire to be free of your flesh. Loosen the bonds of your burnt skin.

In the same way that good Tantric sex is a slow process that heightens the mind-body connection, you should really enjoy how laboriously long your skin shedding process will be. It’ll take a several days to lose their skin, all in one-piece I might add, so kick-back and pick at yourself for the next few days, leaving a trail of skin crumbs in your path.

By the end of this whole ordeal you should be left with the tender, raw skin of a baby snake. Now get back outside, leave your SPF at home, and repeat this system of renewal all over again!