Notley assures BC that in event of pipeline leak, Alberta will pay its utmost respects - The Beaverton
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Notley assures BC that in event of pipeline leak, Alberta will pay its utmost respects

EDMONTON – In an effort to quell ’s concerns over expansion of the Trans Mountain , Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has promised the BC government that any oil spill or leak will result in Alberta being super sorry.

“Should the massive increase in flow lead to a pipeline leak or the quadrupling of tanker traffic result in a spill to rival the Exxon Valdez disaster, the government of Alberta will feel really, really bad about that,” Notley said. “We’ll definitely send a card that EVERYONE in the legislature, even the members of the opposition, will sign.”

“It will be a very big card.”

Notley wants BC taxpayers, who would foot the bill for the potentially tens of billions of dollars in damage a spill or leak would cause, to know that Alberta’s assurances of good will in the event of environmental and economic devastation are genuine, and that interprovincial friendship is more valuable in the long term than a functioning ecosystem or a lack of spikes in the rate of petro-disaster cancer.

“We recognize that virtually all of the economic benefits from expanding pipeline capacity will accrue to Alberta while BC takes on most of the risk,” Notley said. “But rest assured, Alberta’s capacity to send thoughts and prayers in the event of a calamity will be expanded as much as the pipeline.”

“You won’t face potential catastrophe alone, BC. Except, of course, in financial terms.”

At press time, Notley was promising BC biologists that should the oil industry ravage the BC coast they can come to Alberta and study the world renowned Sea Life Caverns at West Edmonton Mall.