WINDSOR, ON – An Ontario courtroom was thrown into turmoil today after it was discovered that the presiding judge was in fact three children hiding under a judicial gown.
The children, aged 7 to 9, were stacked three high under the traditional black robe with scarlet sash. The impostor judge remained undetected for most of the day in spite of a disproportionately small head, childlike voice, and overzealous use of the gavel. Gavels are not a regular feature of Canadian courtrooms.
“I first suspected something wasn’t right when I saw his honour stumble out of his chambers,” said defence attorney Judy Tutton, whose suspicions were further aroused when her request to approach the bench was met by the judge announcing, “You’re boooring,” and then declaring a fifteen minute ice cream recess. “But honestly,” Tutton says, “I wasn’t sure. Some of the judges are just like that.”
The judge’s real identity was finally revealed when the gown became caught on a loose nail, disrobing the children as they attempted to nonchalantly walk away. The children had managed to deliver verdicts in two cases before being caught, finding one defendant to be “a really bad man,” and finding the other not guilty under the principle of de minimis non curat lex.
The children were last seen capering around the courtroom pursued by an oafish bailiff and as of press time could not be reached for comment.
This is the second case of mistaken identity in an Ontario courtroom in recent weeks. Just last month a verdict was overturned when it was revealed that expert medical testimony had been given by a horse wearing a lab coat and smart guy glasses.