TORONTO – In an effort to assuage concerns regarding the long overdue Eglinton Crosstown LRT, Premier Doug Ford has announced a cautiously optimistic opening date of 2236. “I’m very pleased to fi…
Tag: future
A&W now only serving chicken raised without antibiotics, hope for the future
NORTH VANCOUVER, BC – Following the success of progressive initiatives like paper straws and the Beyond Meat burger, A&W Canada, who has already committed to using chickens raised witho…
History students 50 years from now pretty sure they would have helped hide immigrants
OTTAWA — History students studying at Sir Andrew Scheer High School in the year 2068 have all agreed that, had they been around during the Trump Years, they probably would have helped hide immigr…
Children to remember local father as constantly tired
FREDERICTON, NB – Local father Andrew Stevens is, according to everyone who knows him, an excellent father who gets the privilege of spending a lot of quality time with his two children, Hu…
Local man tired of warnings from time-travelling future selves
KENORA, ON – Reckless adventure-lover Devon Howard has grown tired of the ominous warnings personally delivered to him by various time-travelling versions of his future self. The visits fir…
In triumph of democracy, Harper writes laws for all future governments
OTTAWA – Seeking to strengthen democratic institutions, Prime Minister Stephen Harper used this week’s speech from the throne to announce the legislative agenda of all future governments. “…
Time traveller mocked by future people for vestigial organs
WINDSOR, ON – 72-year-old time traveller Jack Prentice, recently returned from a voyage into the future whose goal was to discover the mystery of human development, called a press conferenc…
Bob Dylan concerts to feature hologram of Bob Dylan that actually gives a shit
LOS ANGELES, CA – Inspired by the famous holographic projections of deceased artists like 2Pac Shakur and Biggie Smalls, Columbia Records executives have announced an upcoming Bob Dylan con…