GUANTANAMO BAY – The US Defense Department is praising its own prison system after a former child soldier imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay became a multi-millionaire yesterday when the Supreme Court of Canada awarded him $10.5 million.
In a statement released today, Omar Khadr was praised as a ‘model prisoner’ who excelled at enduring all of Gitmo’s interrogation techniques and attending many extra-judicial military tribunals.
“If it weren’t for the ten years Omar spent at Camp X, he wouldn’t be the wealthy person he is today,” said former US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld who refused to give up on inmates like Khadr by granting a release. “There were many doubters of this program: Amnesty International, the UN, Human Rights Watch, and anyone with a sense of human dignity, but Omar went above and beyond to prove them wrong.”
In addition to giving themselves credit, they also thanked the previous Canadian governments of Jean Chretien, Paul Martin, and Stephen Harper for allowing him to stay to develop his case.
“Way to go Omar!” tweeted former US President George Bush. “You earned it! #GitmoIntake2002.”
US officials expressed hope that Khadr can inspire other Millennials that they too can be millionaires by the time they’re 30.
