Sean Hannity reports Clintons killed Sean Hannity, while slowly raising pistol to own head - The Beaverton
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Sean Hannity reports Clintons killed Sean Hannity, while slowly raising pistol to own head

NEW YORK – After months suggesting the DNC was responsible for the murder of , Fox News reporter is now reporting the have assassinated Fox News reporter Sean Hannity, while gradually lifting a to his own head.

“It’s clear that Hannity was onto something, otherwise they wouldn’t have felt the need to silence him,” said Hannity, flaring his nostrils and taking several deep breaths as the cold steel nestled against his left temple. “Oh God, oh Christ, please, please, I’m not ready.”

While the says there’s no reason to suspect the Clintons had anything to do with the murder of a man who hasn’t even had the guts to pull the trigger yet, Hannity says they are the only ones who stand to benefit.

“It’s obviously the Clintons,” said Hannity, shooting a pleading glance at his producer, off camera. “Who else stands to benefit from the months-long ratings boom Fox News will get from the sensational on-air death of one of their anchors?”

Hannity then blubbered for thirty uninterrupted seconds, while a voice in his earpiece could clearly be heard shouting at him to ‘do it, do it you spineless weasel.

This is the first time a Fox anchor has died on camera since the last of ’s frontal lobe was swallowed by the living in his skull, back in 2011.