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Betsy DeVos buys public school to practice on

WASHINGTON, DC – Recently-confirmed Education Secretary has purchased a small public school to practice on before she assumes the responsibilities for her new job.

“I’m so thrilled to have purchased a public school so I can get the chance to try out some ideas before we move on to the other American public schools, of which there are, I understand, several dozens,” DeVos happily explained to reporters.

DeVos chose Miller North Collegiate for her trial run in large part due to the district’s relatively low-income population.

“This situation is a win-win,” DeVos explained in an interview. “The children in the school are, it would seem, most likely too poor to go to a real school, so no harm done if we make a couple of oopsies.”

While the projects DeVos will be testing are unclear, a spokesperson has confirmed that she is looking forward to getting acquainted with the challenging aspects of public school, like our-of-date-textbooks, overworked teachers, and the absence of a massive family fortune to help make ends meet.

At press time, DeVos was trying to see if she could get a grizzly to attack the school, just to see what would happen.

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