1. Ketchup Chips
Sure it sounds weird but ketchup flavoured potato chips are a staple of Canadian junk food diets. We asked Jeremy and Martha from Canberra to try a bag and Jeremy said they were “kind of tart, like there’s vinegar in them. They burn my throat and make me feel a little dizzy. Wild!”
Like a gyro but better! Martha had a bite and mentioned that it was too weird for her: “I didn’t really like the sauce. By the time I got to the end, my mouth tasted like blood a little. What do they put in these?”
3. Montreal Bagels
Sweet, dense, and much different than their fluffier cousins, Mike from Sydney tried one and had to stop half-way to catch his breath! I guess Australians can’t handle their…… Hey, Doug, he doesn’t look too good…… Can you call Alice in here to take a look at this guy……?
Guys, Jeremy just started bleeding from his ears and mouth. He’s still conscious but he’s babbling something about the ketchup chips.
No put the poutine down and come in here, I’m serious.
5. Butter Tarts
Christ! Now Martha’s seizing up. What was in these things?!
No, shut down the cameras now and get a paramedic over here. I’m goddamn serious everyone. Frank, go check on Mike in the next room over.
6. All-Dressed Chips
Hold down his shoulders! Hold them down so I can shove this thing under his tongue. We’ve already lost Jeremy and I am NOT losing another one! Do you hear me God?!
7. Nanaimo Bars
Are you still doing tests in here Gary?! What the fuck are you doing?! We have an emergency on our hands… did you let her eat that thing? Oh god no.
8. Maple Candies
Everyone understand the story? When they got here, they were already suffering from the skin lesions and hemorrhaging from their eyes. We tried to resuscitate them and there was nothing we could do. We….did not…. feed them… ANYTHING!
Burn the tapes. Burn the passports.