LOS ANGELES – Sources inside the Cohen family say they are having difficulty picking a song to play for the beloved singer-songwriter’s upcoming funeral.
According to senior Cohen family members making a decision on the musical accompaniment for the Canadian icon and poet is “next to impossible because literally almost every song he has ever wrote works perfectly for this.”
“Is Hallelujah too obvious?” said one source. “I feel like at this point it would be kind of cliché. We were thinking of using Famous Blue Raincoat, except we aren’t in New York or in a house deep in the desert, and he hasn’t owned a blue raincoat since the late 60s.”
Indecisive close associates recommended Amazing Grace, Sarah McLaughlin’s Arms of an Angel, Andrea Bocelli’s Time to Say Goodbye, and Taps as neutral options to break the indecision, but were dismissed on the grounds of “are you fucking kidding me?”
Other songs were ruled out on the basis that they would make the ceremony too sexual in tone, despite many next of kin being adamant that the Companion of the Order of Canada “would definitely want it that way.”
Even with a multitude of his other numbers such as So Long Marianne, I Left A Woman Waiting, and Suzanne ruled out so as not to make things awkward for the throngs of Cohen’s former lovers that will be in attendance, organizers said there were still too many to choose from.