2018 poppies “extra stabby” to help Canadians appreciate soldiers’ sacrifice - The Beaverton
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2018 poppies “extra stabby” to help Canadians appreciate soldiers’ sacrifice

OTTAWA – Representatives from the have confirmed that their 2018 poppies were designed for optimal pointiness, size, and “gouge-ability”, to help Canadians better remember their soldiers’ sacrifices.

The newly redesigned , nicknamed “The Pokey”, was developed by engineers in the ’s Department of Applied Remembrance Science. By incorporating cutting edge cutting edge technology, technicians were able to develop a pin so exposed and unsafe that Canadians would have no choice but to remember the nation’s fallen heroes.

the brave Canadians who fought at , , or recently in ,” affirmed retired colonel Jean-Marc Sampson, as a pool of blood seeped out from under his poppy pin. “Also, do you have any kleenex? I think I hit an artery.”

All across the country, ordinary Canadians have expressed approval for the new super-sharp poppies. Martin Banks, of Halifax, explained, “These extra-stabby pins are really (ouch!) helping me to imagine the pain and (OW!) bravery of our (Son of a…) Canadian (DAMMIT!) servicemen (YEOWCH!) and (OW!) women (RRRrrr…)”

Banks then excused himself to find the nearest first aid station.

As Canadians prepare to honour their fallen heroes on , Canada Health Services reminds attendees not to wear more than one redesigned poppy at a time, and to keep them out of the reach of children and pets.

The Legion has also announced plans in 2018 to share their poppy technology with Canadian Blood Services.

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