EDMONTON – Many Albertans expressed disappointment that it would be a criminal offence to ball-gag Wildrose Leader Brian Jean for the rest of his life to avoid making violent, misogynist jokes and comments towards anyone, including Premier Rachel Notley.
“Although I think Albertans would be better off, it’s sadly against the law to forcibly confine someone, stuff a rag in someone’s mouth, and strap a gag on,” said Josie Smyth of Red Deer. “And even though he says some awful things that I passionately disagree with, it’s still a jailable offence if we commit some sort of cruel torture against him in an effort to make him submit to the rule of my political opinions.
Democracy; what a bummer.”
Other Albertans expressed disappointment that they would face punishment if he was shot out of a cannon without his explicit consent or be mugged by an angry mob of Nickelback fans.
“That’s illegal?!” exclaimed Jared Farshid of Calgary after being informed that it would be illegal to detain Mr. Jean without charge and deport him to a random country. “Well, that’s too bad.”
At press time, the MLA for for Fort McMurray-Conklin admitted that his role as a political leader was “just a bad joke.”
