Good News Alert! After fighting for almost two decades, Jehosophine Nin, the unknown creator behind Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle,” has finally been awarded an order for royalties against Universal Records in the amount of $4.3 million.
“It’s been a long, bumpy road,” Nin’s lawyer said in a press conference yesterday, “but we’re glad to see justice has finally been done.” He then rapped three times on a conch shell, from which his client emerged in a coil of smoke.
“Not getting credit for the song was especially painful for me because it was about a very dark time in my life,” Nin told reporters while suspended in a lotus position several feet from the stage. “I was trapped in a bottle and could not get out. The price to pay was rubbing the bottle. But alas, no one would pay it. When someone finally rubbed me the right way and I escaped, it took me a long time to move past the trauma. So I wrote the song to help me confront my fears and to raise awareness about bottle safety.”
“Seeing someone else take credit for my work was very painful,” the genderless being added. ”I think it’s obvious that that the lyrics are from my personal life experience. Christina Aguilera has clearly never been trapped inside a bottle.”
Despite working for years to move past the trauma, Nin says she has suffered serious psychological strain as a result of the song’s publication.
Unfortunately Universal Records counsel was completely undignified in their response to the verdict. “Look, most frivolous lawsuits like this, the plaintiff gets bored after a few years of waiting and drops the claim. But Nin’s already like what, 12,000 years old? There’s no waiting out somebody with that kind of time.”
But still, a win is a win and now she can move on with her never ending existence on a spectral plane just above our own. What an amazing story. Congratulations Jehosophine!
