Guelph–Witnesses in the area have reported the presence of a dog wearing an orange bandana around his neck who seems to think he’s some real hot shit.
The dog, Max, who onlookers speculate is probably an amateur vegan chef or freelance bike mechanic or tattoo artist or some freaking thing, was seen waiting on a leash outside a café which “his highness is obviously just too cool for.” The six-year old Sheppard only occasionally sniffed at passersby, evidently because he’s God’s gift to humanity.
“Like where did he even get that bandana?” said local resident Tom Wilden. “Did he sneak it home from a capture the flag game he found on Meetup? Did he win it in a Buffy trivia contest? Just look at this asshole.”
Onlookers were also quick to comment on the “hipster ass” collar Max was seen wearing.
“Oooh, let me guess. It’s made of distressed Taiwanese bamboo? Christ, aren’t you a special snowflake,” said Wilden.
“Look, we get it, you love your body,” local resident Jerry Weiner told reporters. “Seriously though—a kerchief? Why not just hang a sign around your neck saying “I get laid”? Just, take it down a notch, dude.”
Max, who sources confirm probably has a way younger girlfriend and is “one of those older dudes who’s really into The Weeknd–yuck” declined to comment on the matter.
