OTTAWA — The Bank of Canada has revealed that the new $20 bill will display the image of a plus-size female model, marking the first time that a full-figured woman has appeared on Canadian currency since Queen Victoria was on the half-penny.
“We’re proud to be using this new bill to send a body-positive message to Canadian women and girls,” said Finance Minister Bill Morneau. “It doesn’t matter what kind of body you have. Every woman is sexy and deserves a chance to celebrate their curves in the most sensual possible location: the currency of Canada.”
According to a press release, the model in question will be depicted reclining in front of Ottawa’s National War Memorial while wearing a purple bikini. She will also be waving hello to the viewer.
“Make no mistake,” said Morneau. “This woman is just as beautiful as any supermodel you’ll find in Hollywood or Milan. I can’t wait for Canadians to get a nice, good look at her.”
“Besides,” continued Morneau, “The men currently on Canadian money have garbage bodies. Laurier has a double chin. Borden has a gunt. And Sir John A. Macdonald is so fugly it’s scary. It’s time to end the double standard.”
In keeping with recent tradition of using currency to honour important moments of Candiana the reverse side of the new bill will celebrate the 25th anniversary of The Tragically Hip album “Road Apples.”