NEW YORK – In a completely unsurprising development, Iggy, a 10-year-old bald eagle from a mangrove swamp in Florida, has once again emerged triumphant in the latest season of America’s Got Talons.
“He destroyed the competition,” said Howie ‘Mandible’ Mandel, a long-time judge of the show. “With his talons.”
Iggy showed promise early on in the series when the bird of prey used his acuminate, perfectly arched claws to perch on the branch of a tall hickory tree brought into the studio.
But victory was ultimately secured in a show-stopping final act where he flew in from backstage clad in an American flag cape, snatched a toddler from the audience and then carried him off to be eaten.
A number of the show’s participants were not happy with the judges’ decisions, however, claiming that ‘professionals should not be allowed in the competition.’
“I don’t get it,” said Albert Hadley, 46, a human contestant who did not make it past the first round. “It’s a raptor, for cryin’ out loud. Of course it’s going to win, it didn’t need to bust its damn ass at Juilliard for four years to get good.”
“How about levelling the playing field a little, huh?” added Hadley.
At press time, Iggy was seen performing at the Bellagio along with Joseph, the pony victor of “So you think you can prance?”
