BY: RT. HON. STEPHEN HARPER, FORMER PRIME MINISTER OF CANADA
As my final act as Prime Minister of Canada, there is something I would like to express to all Canadians from coast-to-coast-to-coast; fuck you.
Let me be clear here: I don’t like you. I never did. Anything I said that ever suggested I liked the Canadian people was one big pile of horseshit I had to shovel in order to get your votes. You people disgust me. You are worthless sacks of human garbage who never deserved the kind of fiscally prudent awesomeness I brought to the table every god damn day
I gave you ten years of service as head of government and you insufferable turds took it away from me. Well, congratulations! You now have a pussy ass liberal government that’ll probably fuck things up as bad as you fucked up the election.
And to think, I had to shake all of your disgusting hands.
Do I regret my xenophobic pandering in the last days of my government? Allow me to answer that by shoving my fist up your ass and working your mouth like a sock puppet that only talks about how dangerous the Niqab is. My only regret is that I didn’t alienate more of you. I should have tried to turn New Brunswick against PEI, just to give those useless Maritime fuckers something to do. I wish that I convinced people from Vancouver that the reason China was buying all their land was because Toronto convinced them to. I would straight up bomb the Yukon and just tell everyone it was ISIS.
But I respect the wishes of the ungrateful, ass-hat voters that have no idea how to run a country or how to protect it. I even stooped to lowest, bigoted common-denominator for you people and I still only got 99 seats.
I wish Prime Minister Trudeau the very best of luck in fucking himself and fucking this now-worthless country.