OTTAWA – With youth unemployment skyrocketing across Canada, Bank of Canada Governor Stephen Poloz is recommending that young people consider the ancient feudal status of serfdom to boost their careers.
“My advice to youth is to get out of your parent’s basement, find a Lord of a Manor, and enter into legal bondage under his rule,” Poloz told a House of Commons Finance Committee this Tuesday. “Not only will you be entitled to protection, justice and the right to exploit certain fields within the manor to maintain your own subsistence, but it might even help your CV.”
While Canada’s unemployment rate for those aged 15-24 has risen to 13.5%, Poloz is adamant that indentured servitude could offer a leg up. Speaking to a Toronto business luncheon Monday Poloz, who earns $436,000 per year, extolled the benefits of working serfdom to the crowd whose combined net worth rivals a medium-sized municipality.
“These Millennial job searchers somehow have a bad attitude when it comes to serfdom, but it’s all about perspective,” Poloz explained. “They just need to look at the positives. For example, you cannot be sold as property by the Lord of the Manor so you are technically not a slave; your future children will by right of birth also become serfs thus getting a huge leg up in the servitude market; and the odds of you being murdered by an errant knight are relatively slim. How great does that sound?”
When asked if multinational corporations could find room in their budgets for minimum wage employees, Poloz was firm: “If these Millennials are too entitled to work, or to give landed gentry the right to prima nocte sexual intercourse with their wives on their wedding nights, well, then that’s on them.”
Questioned about income inequality, and whether unpaid work exacerbates the problem, Poloz answered, “Who let that peasant in here? Guards, seize him!”
Later asked if he would recommend that his own two children enter serfdom to find employment, Poloz replied, “Of course not, that’s what their trust funds are for.”