WORLD – In response to the North Korean Worker’s Party recent “final authorization” for a nuclear strike against US targets, the roughly 6.975-billion people living outside of the isolated Asian nation reported that they “seriously do not have any time for this kind of crap right now.”
“I come home from work exhausted each day to single handedly take care of my brothers and sisters since my parents both died of AIDS,” reported Abraham Komo of Johannesburg, South Africa. “The last thing I need is some psychotic fuck-wad using the threat of nuclear warfare to address his personal insecurities and issues with his father.”
The sentiment was echoed by citizens of Ireland, Guatemala, the United Arab Emirates, China, Russia, Egypt, Syria, Israel, Palestine, Bangladesh, research scientists stationed in Antarctica and especially every single nation located in the Pacific Ocean.
Non-North Koreans of all ages, ethnicities, and lifestyles were visibly agitated as they looked at their watches before exhaling in frustration before asking if the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea were nearly through.
The United Nations Global Development Organization declared global warming, massive poverty and economic inequality, widespread hunger and food shortages, organized crime, sexual violence, finding the necessary receipts to properly file taxes on time, the spread of infectious disease, gun control, overfishing, religious extremism, terrorism, and the war on drugs were all deemed far more important than spending a single second dealing with North Korean diplomacy.
As press time, Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has urged North Korea to “get its shit together ASAP.”
