TORONTO—Just two weeks before the opening of the 2015 Pan American games in Toronto, organizers have unveiled a new marketing strategy designed to generate greater interest in the games by re-nam…
Tag: World Cup
World Cup stadium labourer in Qatar wishes he could also resign
DOHA – Following the resignation of FIFA president Sepp Blatter, Bangladeshi migrant worker Sumon Saha announced that he would like to be able to do the same thing and leave his job buildin…
WORLD CUP FINAL: German efficiency trumps whatever Argentina is known for
RIO DE JANEIRO – With a narrowly scored last-minute goal, the German World Cup team’s efficient and relentless play has triumphed over Argentina’s style, which was probably hot or spicy or …
Report: bleak reality waiting on other side of World Cup finals
BRASILIA – With the World Cup finals only hours away, the planet is slowly coming to the realization that the return to the blend of despair and panic that characterizes their ordinary, hol…
Exiled Nazis conflicted over Germany-Argentina World Cup matchup
RIO DE JANEIRO – The surviving members of Argentina’s once-extensive Nazi war criminal community find themselves torn over whom to cheer for in Sunday’s World Cup final between their adopted home…
Angela Merkel calls on Brazil to stop importing German goals
BELO HORIZONTE – In the wake of Germany’s 7-1 World Cup semifinal trouncing of Brazil, Angela Merkel called on Brazil to cut back on its importation of German goals. “This sort of imbalance…
Neymar injures 4th vertebrae after helping father carry heavy bags of cash
São Paulo, BRAZIL – Brazilian football sensation Neymar suffered another setback yesterday after the forward injured his fourth vertebrae helping his father carry large bags of cash. Neymar…
Ronaldo gets to see photo of family after 50th goal for Portugal
BRAZIL – After scoring his 50th goal for Portugal’s national football team in last Thursday’s game against Ghana, officials from the Portuguese government have allowed captain C…
Sodom, Gomorrah named hosts of 2026 FIFA World Cup
ZURICH – Despite being capitals of grievous sin destroyed in an act of divine retribution, the Biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah have been named by the FIFA Executive Committee as hosts…
Giorgio Chiellini cursed to transform into Luis Suarez every full moon
BRAZIL – Following an illegal bite during the Italy-Uruguay match, Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini is now fated to become Luis Suarez at every full moon, forever. “Our hearts go out to G…