EDMONTON – Ahead of Game 4 Calgary Flames head coach Darryl Sutter unveiled a secret plan to actually play defense against Oilers forward Connor McDavid. “Our strategy of just letting…
Tag: Sports
Raising your kids to be Leafs fans classified as child abuse
TORONTO – Child Services has announced that, going forward, they will deem any parent encouraging their young children to be fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs to be negligent, abusive and bor…
Sportsnet apologises for interrupting gambling commercial with hockey
TORONTO – Sportsnet has issued an apology to its viewers after several minutes of a hockey game were broadcast without a single reference to gambling. “At Sportsnet, the last thing we want to do…
Poll: Majority of Canadians favour making sports betting illegal again just to get rid of the fucking ads
OTTAWA – A new poll by Angus Reid has confirmed that the vast majority of Canadians would favour de-legalizing sports betting if it means the incessant ads would finally stop. “When t…
TSN expanding coverage of criminally under-talked-about city of Toronto
TORONTO — Citing a dearth of centre-of-the-universe-centric content, TSN is boosting its coverage of Toronto. In announcing the move, President Steve Johnson said it was an effort to shine a dese…
Report: Only way to settle Matthews v. McDavid debate is when they’re both playing for the Leafs
TORONTO – As the debate rages about who is the best player in the NHL: Auston Matthews or Connor McDavid, experts are saying there is no real way to properly settle the debate until they bo…
MLB owners, players finally work out deal after remembering how much game means to the day drinking community
NEW YORK CITY – After months of negotiations, Major League Baseball players and owners ratified a collective bargaining agreement to save the 2022 season after remembering how much the spor…
TSN, Sportsnet locked in fierce battle to see who can provide worse streaming service
TORONTO – Long-time competitors TSN and Sportsnet are continuing their years-long battle to see who can provide the lowest quality online streaming option for Canadians still willing to pay…
Curler’s boyfriend dreading being told to “hurry hard” in bed
GRIMSBY, ON ― 34-year-old Garret Larsen, boyfriend of local skip Eliza Dupont, has admitted that her tendency to compare their sex life to curling is starting to wear a little thin. “It was funny…
Life coach benches client
CALGARY – Scouts report that life coach Tom Duggan is replacing his client, Simon Pike, after Pike turned in an incredibly underwhelming performance during the first half of his life. “Simon, I r…