SOCHI, RUSSIA – HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKEY HOCKE…
Tag: Olympics
Man who doesn’t care about sports heroically boycotts Sochi Olympics
VICTORIA, B.C. – Striking a self-sacrificing blow for international gay rights, local non-sports fan Jamie Donaldson has been refusing to watch the Sochi Olympics. “It’s been really difficu…
Canadian women’s hockey team apologizes for comeback
SOCHI, RUSSIA – The Canadian women’s hockey team captured gold in a stunning overtime win over the Americans and promptly apologized for the comeback victory. “We’re real sorry …
Russian Olympics security to crack down on any outward displays of pride
MOSCOW – Responding to international pressure over homophobic legislation, Russian president Vladimir Putin has announced the passing of a new universal law against displays of pride. “Russia is …
Russian Olympic security apologizes in advance for Sidney Crosby’s concussion
SOCHI, RUSSIA – Sources inside the Russian security ministry are sending their deepest apologies to the Canadian Men’s Olympic Hockey team for the upcoming concussion soon-to-be sustained b…
Olympic luger can’t wait to luge the fuckin’ luge out of luge track
Canadian Olympic Luger Mitchel Malyk announced today that he was “totally luged-up” to perform in the one-man luge at the upcoming 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics. “Honestly, I’ve been luging my whole…
Putin hires Cossacks to protect Sochi from terrorists, Prussians
Sochi, Russia – Following a number of high profile security threats, Russian President Vladimir Putin has retained the services of hundreds of Cossacks, once the fabled horse-backed soldier…
TSN anchors suddenly really excited for upcoming curling season
TORONTO – Following the NHL’s surprising announcement that Rogers Communications, and its Sportsnet tv stations, would have exclusive rights to nationally broadcast hockey games for the nex…