WASHINGTON D.C. – In the most successful midterm election since 1974 Democrats have retaken control of the House and Senate thanks, primarily, to Canadian meddling. “Sure we started a…
Tag: Midterms
Mitch McConnell speechless after US Midterm Elections
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following midterm elections that saw Democrats take control of both the Senate and House of Representatives, former Republican Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell offe…
Joe Rogan relieved his fans too concussed to remember he campaigned for Trump
AUSTIN, TX – With pollsters predicting a massive midterm repudiation of U.S. President Donald Trump, podcaster Joe Rogan has expressed relief that his millions of fans have mostly suffered …
Pete Hoekstra warns Canada that he will personally annex one province for every state Trump loses in midterms
OTTAWA — A week after U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra warned Canada about interfering in the upcoming U.S. midterms, Hoekstra took things one step further, announcing that for every state…
Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Democrats look poised to expand their majority in the Senate and remain competitive in the House, numerous Democratic representatives and party elders have come forward…
Excited Democrats speculate that if Republicans strip 1 or 2 more fundamental rights away, they might win the midterms
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of the Supreme Court’s ruling overturning Roe v. Wade and Republican states taking immediate measures to ban abortion and force women to give birth, a bo…
“I’m really nervous about the November midterms” says Ontarian unaware of today’s election
BURLINGTON, ON – Local data engineer Chris Chen has spent weeks insisting to friends how worried he is about the upcoming US midterm elections, all without ever acknowledging the Ontario pr…
Breaking: Celebrity voted
LOS ANGELES – According to widely shared posts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, a popular celebrity has voted in the U.S. midterm elections. “I can’t be entirely sure, since I’ve never r…
Cool prof knows name of every student he wrecked on midterm
TORONTO – University of Toronto introductory calc professor Sean Segal is “so awesome,” his students report, that he took the time to learn the name of every student he demolished on the latest m…
