WOODBRIDGE, ON – Highlighting humanity’s continued effect on the global environment, the World Institute for Bro Sciences has confirmed the long disputed theory that the world is, in fact, …
Tag: Justin Bieber
Parents hope guitar lessons will get son laid soon
EDMONTON – Parents of 17-year-old Matthew Hendrickson have enrolled him in guitar lessons in the hope that a rudimentary understanding of the instrument will allow him to finally lose his v…
Bieber continues to rebrand with 700-page treatise on postcolonial theory
As part of the ongoing rehabilitation of his image as a person and performer, Justin Bieber has written and published a monumental new work describing and suggesting remedies for the residual eff…
Drake’s Canada Council for the Arts grant about to run out
TORONTO – Popular Canadian rapper Drake may be heading for choppy waters when his grant from the Canada Council for the Arts runs out at the end of this month. Since he was bestowed the gra…
Misinformed Canadian high school students remember Canada’s sacrifice on Vietnam beach
HALTON – A group of misinformed high school students are commemorating the contributions Canadian soldiers they didn’t actually make on the shores of a beach in Vietnam some seventy years a…
Report: ‘Hello Kitty’ actually best possible outcome of Kroeger/Lavigne collaboration
TORONTO – According to a recent study from the University of Toronto Faculty of Music, Avril Lavigne’s derided single “Hello Kitty” is, “when you think about it, literally the best thing th…
Study: ‘Bieber Fever’ actually audible syphilis
WINNIPEG – After a three year study by the Public Health Agency of Canada, ‘Bieber Fever’ has been revealed as an audible STI. Dr. Richard Moffat of the National Microbiology Lab in Winnipe…
Marc Garneau blames defeat in Liberal Leadership race on Chris Hadfield
OTTAWA – Marc Garneau told reporters Monday that the reason he was not able to capture the public’s attention during his bid for Liberal leadership is because current International Space St…
REPORT: Downward Spiral stage of Bieber’s career begins right on schedule
LONDON, UK – Nineteen-year-old megastar Justin Bieber’s career may be moving from the “golden years” to the “downward spiral” stage exactly on schedule, accord…
