TORONTO – According to a recent study from the University of Toronto Faculty of Music, Avril Lavigne’s derided single “Hello Kitty” is, “when you think about it, literally the best thing that Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger could have done together.”
“When we found out that they had collaborated on a song, it was like we were astronomers who had just spotted a major asteroid heading for the earth, or virologists who had discovered a new strain of ebola,” said lead Musicologist Elena Radkowicz. “But when it turned out to just be terrible pseudo J-pop that relied on troubling racial stereotypes, I think we all breathed a heavy sigh of relief.”
Sources inside the faculty say that the couple easily could have collaborated on any number of projects that would have been “absolutely devastating”. Worse predictions ran the gamut from “Christmas album” to “Michael Jackson memorial tribute album” to “God forbid, a baby.”
“Cutting-edge research and ancient prophecy both confirm that such a child could bring about the end of all music,” Radkowicz said. “Plus, they’d probably name it something stupid, like Kaelynn.”
At press time, Kroeger and Lavigne announced that they were now working with Justin Bieber and Michael Bublé on what they described as “possibly the greatest hip-hop album since Illmatic.”
