TORONTO – After a long and thoughtful self-care journey, Valerie Duncan has decided to give up drinking this month. A decision she has specifically chosen to disclose to her cold, empty bed…
Tag: Featured Post
‘Maybe this is the year the Leafs beat Boston,’ says delusional idiot who doesn’t know shit
TORONTO – Local man Dennis Hendricks believes this could be the year the Leafs finally end their playoff losing streak against the Boston Bruins, mostly because he’s a dumb fuck who says du…
YouTube warns white nationalist groups promoting race war that videos better not violate copyright
SAN BRUNO, CA – Video-sharing website and Google subsidiary YouTube has announced a strict new policy of reiterating its only response to white nationalism: swiftly pulling videos that viol…
Quebec government maintains Bill 21 isn’t racist, only how they plan to implement it is
QUEBEC CITY – The Quebec government maintained that Bill 21, which forbids public servants in position of authority from wearing religious symbols, is not intrinsically discriminatory. The …
NDP offers free tote bag to any member willing to run in federal election
OTTAWA – Struggling to field candidates in all 338 ridings for the 2019 federal election, the NDP is now offering members who decide to run some free perks, including a ‘pretty nice’ NDP br…
Woman warns coworker of clogged toilet like she shielding rookie officer from mangled corpse
OTTAWA — Reports have confirmed that senior HR administrator Sheryl Leon prevented her colleague, financial analyst Lauren Thomas, from opening the door to a bathroom stall containing a clogged t…
Andrew Scheer texts unsolicited ‘pipeline pics’ to Canadian voters
OTTAWA — This weekend mobile phone users across Canada received unsolicited text messages from Conservative leader Andrew Scheer, featuring pictures that he described as his “huge, thick pi…
Canadians clean up at the Canadian Screen Awards
TORONTO – The seventh annual Canadian Screen Awards proved without a doubt that Canadians are the best at telling Canadian stories in Canada. ‘If you’ve heard of it or not, and it’s Canadian, it’…
Report: JWR’s workout playlist just 200 hours of colleagues she’s secretly recorded
OTTAWA – A recently obtained copy of the former Justice Minister’s iTunes workout playlist consists entirely of secretly recorded conversations with her cabinet and caucus colleagues.…
New breed of action hero coolly walks toward explosion
HOLLYWOOD – Tired of the same old action movie trope of the badass protagonist calmly strolling away from an explosion he just caused, film producers are pushing for their heroes to break t…
