OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has confirmed that April 28th will be the date Canadians finally learn the identity of the 5th unknown man included in photo montages with Carney, Pierre…
Tag: election
Carney calls April 28th election, clarifies Canadians can’t just write “Fuck Trump”
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has called for a snap election to be held on April 28th, and has specified that Canadians will be required to choose an MP in their riding, as opposed to…
Doug Ford celebrates majority win by demolishing closest hospital
ETOBICOKE, ON — After his Conservative party was officially re-elected with a majority vote this evening, Doug Ford celebrated his win by immediately hopping in his car, tearing down University A…
Doug Ford announces snap election with ballots printed on backs of $200 cheques
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Ford announced today that he will call for a snap Ontario election, conducted entirely via mail-in ballots which have been conveniently printed on the backs of …
World holds its breath as North Carolina elects new agriculture commissioner
RALEIGH – Hundreds of millions of onlookers worldwide have turned their eyes to North Carolina, where international journalists have been embedded for weeks to report on every twist and turn of t…
Canada turns off all lights in hopes US will think we’re not home
OTTAWA – With Americans voting today to determine the next President of the United States, every single Canadian has announced plans to keep their lights shut off in hopes that they will no…
Trudeau promises to rethink Liberal strategy after 5 or 6 more general election losses
OTTAWA – With polls projecting the Liberals to win as few as 53 seats in the next federal election, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has pledged to shake up his party’s campaign strategy follo…
Co-worker that everyone hates surprised he can’t get colleagues to do what he wants
OTTAWA – Local man Pierre Poilievre, an employee at an Ottawa small business named the House of Commons, was surprised that none of the colleagues who despise him were willing to support hi…
Jagmeet Singh asserts independence by doing exactly what Pierre Poilievre told him to
OTTAWA – NDP leader Jagmeet Singh has terminated his party’s confidence and supply agreement with the Liberals, boldy staking a claim to independence a few days after Pierre Poilievre…
Conservatives promise that, if they’re elected, your parents will reunite, your fav tv show will be uncancelled and McDonald’s will bring back pizza
OTTAWA – Continuing with their vision of the utopia Canada will be if they are elected, the Conservatives have announced that, within weeks of them taking over government, your life will ba…
