MONTREAL– The Assassin’s Creed video game received a massive update on their inventory of axes as UbiSoft Montreal invested all of their recent $373M on the one thing they do well. “...
November to become Female Pubic Hair Appreciation Month
VICTORIA – A new charity, Novembeaver, is looking to draw awareness to ovarian cancer research with women being encouraged to grow out their pubic hair for charity. “We like to think of it...
Queen’s University: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: Queen’s University Nickname: Ol’ Money, Ol’ Problems Motto: “We go to Queen’s, do you?” History: Founded in 1841 in honour of Queen Victoria’s money, Queen’s University was the firs...
Rob Ford: ‘In drunken stupor, I once tried being mayor’
TORONTO – At a scrum in front of his office, Toronto mayor Rob Ford admitted that a year ago, in one of his drunken stupors, he may have tried municipal politics. Ford’s erratic behaviour, expen...
Report: Neither man willing to admit high-five was too hard
KAMLOOPS, BC – In celebration of a small pay raise two men engaged in a high-five that neither of them are willing to admit was extremely painful and possibly permanently damaging. “Ha ha ...
Study: 100% of restaurants know you’re ordering the second cheapest wine on a first date
NEW YORK – It’s your first date, you’ve dressed up, thought of nonchalantly witty things to say, and, according to a new report from the Center for Mating and Hospitality, you’re about to order ...
BREAKING – Police recover video of Vancouver Mayor smoking what appears to be salmon
VANCOUVER – Following months of speculation, Vancouver Police Chief Jim Chu held a press conference today where he confirmed the existence of a cell phone video taken months ago, on which Vancou...
University of Toronto: The Beaverton University Reviews
Name: University of Toronto Nickname: Ol’ Monolithic Motto: “Hocne nos facit dignando?” (“Does this make us look prestigious?”) History: The UofT was founded in 1827 by study-drug enthusiast Bishop St...
Blind-internet-frustration not covered by Obamacare
WASHINGTON – President Obama announced that people going blind with frustration over healthcare.gov politely crashing will not be able to get this condition covered once the website lets them sign up....
Rob Ford denies the existence of Chief Blair
TORONTO – After being questioned about the previously elusive crack video now in possession by Police Chief Bill Blair, Mayor Rob Ford vehemently denied the existence of the “alleged” head of the Toro...
