OTTAWA – The federal government has recently announced plans to address voter fraud by requiring Canadians to present a Conservative Party membership ID before voting in elections. “Canadians do...
Police remind parents to always lock car doors when leaving small children in subzero weather
MONTREAL – Local police are warning parents of the dangers of leaving their children in the car in -33 degree weather without ensuring they have safely secured the doors. “There are many dangers...
Oscar organizers begin thawing of Jack Nicholson
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — With the Oscars tonight, Hollywood cryogenicists are quickly defrosting of 79-year-old legendary film actor Jack Nicholson to attend. The acclaimed Batman and Terms of Endearment s...
Sir, don’t you think you’ve rolled up enough rims for one day?
BY A TIM HORTONS DRIVE THRU SPEAKER BOX On behalf of Tim Horton’s, I would like to thank you for your loyal patronage at our stores during our roll-up-the-rim-to-win event, but Sir, don’t you think yo...
Man frantically enjoying Woody Allen movies while he still can
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Refusing all social invitations and ordering in his meals, local resident Bill Grenley, 32, is reportedly savouring the last few precious moments he has to fully enjoy Woody All...
Local woman successfully shaves spot just behind the ankle
MONTREAL — Over this past weekend, Claire Powell, 23, celebrated a stunning personal achievement when she successfully reached that tricky section of skin just behind the ankle while shaving. Th...
Anxiety-ridden 23-year-old with no particular career ambition considering law school
TORONTO — Despite lacking any discernible passions or occupational goals, University of Toronto graduate Jessica Breslin recently announced that she was strongly considering a career in the legal prof...
Nation responds to Ellen Page coming out as gay: ‘Okay, cool’
OTTAWA – After learning the news that Canadian actress Ellen Page, best known for her role in Juno, is gay, the nation agreed that it was ‘good’. “I didn’t know she was gay but now I do,” Hamilt...
Russian Olympics security to crack down on any outward displays of pride
MOSCOW – Responding to international pressure over homophobic legislation, Russian president Vladimir Putin has announced the passing of a new universal law against displays of pride. “Russia is not a...
FEDS: First Nations Education Act a positive step forward in giving First Nations autonomy from Gov obligations
STAND OFF, AB – In what is being described as a major step forward in providing First Nation’s communities with more autonomy from federal government treaty commitments, the Harper Government pl...
