PASADENA – As further details emerge from the Panama Papers leak, rock band Van Halen have now been linked to the scandal. In a statement, the International Consortium of Investigative Journalis...
New Manitoba Premier gives victory speech from Costa Rican beachfront property
SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA — After a dramatic majority victory in today’s provincial election, Premier-elect Brian Pallister of Manitoba gave a moving acceptance speech from his tropical beachfront p...
Hollywood Producers Association study proves Asians actually just an urban legend
CALIFORNIA – A recent study sponsored by the Hollywood Producers Association has confirmed the industry’s long suspected belief that so-called “Asian” human beings are nothing but an old wives’...
Local father regales family with stories of battles fought against telecommunications providers
KINGSTON — Late last night, local father Paul Mallory gathered his family by the fire to recount many illustrious battles fought against major telecommunications providers. Speaking to his child...
9 majestic Canadian Parks ruined by lack of wifi
As beautiful and inspiring as these Canadian destinations are, they still don’t have access to wifi, which ruins the entire experience. G’waii Haanas National Park flickr.com / Sam Beebe Located off o...
Trudeau says he is ‘proud to be a feminist arms dealer’
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reaffirmed his support for feminism, and for making billions of dollars in the sales of military supplies to despotic regimes, in an hour-lo...
Local survivor gnaws off own arm to escape street canvasser
TORONTO – In a harrowing tale of survival, local hiker Todd Barnett has managed to escape a street canvasser by removing his left arm with nothing but his own front teeth. “I’m an experienced ou...
Attawapiskat First Nation receives urgent airdrop of committee reports
ATTAWAPISKAT – Following the declaration of a state of emergency over recent suicide attempts in the remote First Nation settlement, the Canadian government has wasted no time airlifting in an u...
Melting snow reveals dozens of discarded MPs on Parliament lawn
OTTAWA – Spring has finally arrived in the nation’s capital, revealing a winter’s worth of discarded legislators strewn across the Parliamentary lawn that were, until recently, concealed under layers ...
Pope Francis admits he meant to invite Larry David, not Bernie Sanders, to Vatican
VATICAN CITY – In a stunning admission Friday afternoon, Pope Francis confessed that he mistakenly invited Democratic Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders, instead of American comedian Larry David, t...
