Panicked husband realizes turkey pan has been soaking since last Thanksgiving
BRANDON, MA – As his family prepared for this weekend’s thanksgiving festivities local man Stephen Island realized that he had left the pan they use to cook the turkey every year sitting in…
Montreal to dump entire editorial staff of MTLBlog into the St Lawrence
Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre made a dramatic announcement today outlining his controversial plan to dump the entire editorial staff of MTLBlog, along with thousands of its most inane listicles an…
Meet the 23 year-old PMO staffer who denied all of the Syrian refugees into Canada
OTTAWA — In a small office located within the bowels of Stephen Harper’s PMO sits a young man responsible for halting all Syrian refugee applications. When he’s not busy wiretapping Justin …
Gilles Duceppe calls on other party leaders to give him fifteen dollars
QUEBEC CITY – Building on his reputation as a wild-card wiling to call out the other candidates on issues where they share the same biases, Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has demanded…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
Elections Canada recommends voters spend 5 minutes screaming into pillow each day
OTTAWA – As the nation enters the federal election home stretch, Elections Canada now suggests that any and all prospective voters take a few minutes each day to scream as long and loud as …
Elections Canada announces new Yukon voting station teetering on Mount Logan’s Summit
HAINES JUNCTION, YUKON — In response to a voting card mix-up that required some 300 Yukon voters to travel nearly 600 kilometers to vote, Elections Canada has fixed the problem by moving th…
Harper says “most” cases of murdered Aboriginal women solved, “give or take a few thousand”
WHITBY, ON – Speaking at a campaign rally, Prime Minister Stephen Harper told reporters that there’s no need to start a federal inquiry into Canada’s missing and murdered Aboriginal women because…
Harper left wondering who let Nobel Prize winner Arthur McDonald talk to the media
KINGSTON — With Arthur McDonald’s shocking Nobel prize win, the Prime Minister of Canada was curious as to how he was able to speak with the media at all. “We have so many programs in place…
Nation still fighting this goddamn cold
CANADA – Six days after their throats started to get scratchy, the entire country is still trying to get over this fucking cold. “Shit,” said every person in the country, catchi…
