Twitter bans journalists for failing to report on how much Elon Musk supports free speech
SAN FRANCISCO – Several prominent journalists have found their Twitter accounts permanently suspended under grounds that they spent insufficient time reporting on how Twitter CEO Elon Musk …
Apartment building named “Regency Landing” appoints Maintenance Viscount to fix leaking shitter pipes
VICTORIA — Proctor Properties Inc has recently appointed George William Sherston-Phipps Tollemache Montesquieu III of Roxborough as its Maintenance Viscount for the Regency Landing apartment buil…
Danielle Smith apologizes for “thoughtless” remark she is about to make
EDMONTON – After apologizing to First Nations, Ukrainian-Canadians and the vaccinated, Danielle Smith today issued a new apology to anyone who was hurt by the comments she is about to make.…
Good night’s sleep allows woman to be more present in her shitty life
HAMILTON, ON – The secret to being fully present in your miserable existence? Local life coach, June Funda, says it’s all about prioritizing a good night’s sleep. “It’s hard to focus on how ever…
Avatar sequel somehow already biggest flop of all time
HOLLYWOOD — Avatar: The Way of Water, the latest blockbuster from director James Cameron, has been named the biggest financial flop of all time. It will be released later this week. The Avatar …
FIFA announces losing World Cup teams have to take a stadium home with them
QATAR – As the World Cup enters its final phase, FIFA and Qatar have issued a joint statement that the last 7 teams knocked out of the tournament will be required to take the stadium in whi…
Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future quit rather than take assignment to visit Elon Musk
THE ETHEREAL PLANE – The magical spirits who normally visit rich monsters on Christmas Eve in order to get them to become caring human beings have all resigned from their positions after th…
Premiers demand more healthcare funding to spend on fuck you, that’s what
WINNIPEG – A recent meeting of Canada’s Premiers has seen the provincial leaders urgently request that Prime Minister Trudeau provide increased healthcare funding, to be spent on none of yo…
Beavfeed: Top five local spots to huddle during thunderstorms
Every downtown pedestrian knows what it feels like to get caught in the rain without an umbrella. With so many options available, we’ve narrowed down the best retail doorways to huddle in, so you…
