WINNIPEG – According to living room sources, unemployed Winnipeg resident and generally useless individual Andrew Rowley will spend the entire afternoon lying on his couch and reflecting upon hi...
Twin brother to twin sister: ‘I think we should see other siblings’
ST. ALBERT, AB – Phillip Flansky, twin brother of Lillian Flansky, broke the news Wednesday to his twin sister that he wants to spend time with his other siblings. Coming from a family of 12, th...
Chinese man sent back to China for repairs
SHENZEN, CHINA – After noticing behavioural malfunctions, a Vancouver family has sent back its father/husband unit, Lee Xiu, for repairs to a manufacturing plant in Shenzen, China. “Lee worked r...
Heavy petting officially downgraded to first base
PARIS – In a long overdue move, the International Association for Getting It On has officially downgraded heavy petting to first base. The move reclassifies French Kissing as a sacrifice bunt an...
God can’t find publisher for latest book
HEAVEN – Over 3,000 years since the release of His worldwide bestseller The Bible, God, almighty creator of the universe, is finding it difficult to get His latest book published. “I’ve been sho...
Moleskine notebook fails to improve diary entries
Flickr photo...
National Spelling Bee abuzz over substance abuse allegations
TORONTO – The Canadian spelling bee circuit is once again under fire after allegations that one of its star participants has been under the influence of illegal performance enhancing substances....
