TORONTO – Despite being certain that he had finally found the missing subway token in his jacket pocket, local man Ryan Malan discovered it was, yet again, nothing but a dime. “I looked in …
Toronto
Police unearth extended metaphor for student debt near York U Campus
TORONTO – An underground emblem for university arrears and the difficulty of paying them off has been discovered near the Rexall Centre at York University. According to authorities, the symbol is…
Men’s Right groups protest removal of penis-shaped map at Downsview bus station
TORONTO – After TTC officials took down a penis-shaped map of the bus terminal at Downsview station, members of the National Coalition of Men announced a sit-in to protest the continuing war on p…
Subway tunnel workers just going to pretend they didn’t find that chamber of skulls
TORONTO – Workers on the Spadina subway extension who discovered an enormous subterranean chamber of skulls this morning say that they’re just going to seal it back up and move on with thei…
Infographic: What John Tory found in Ford’s former office
John Tory officially takes the office of Mayor of Toronto today. Here’s what he found in outgoing Mayor Rob Ford’s office: 1. Hundreds of fan letters to Macho Man Randy Savage, all marked “…
Leader of rat colony disgusted by TTC overcrowding
TORONTO – After being displaced by the continuing construction work at Toronto’s Union station, the leader of Ontario’s largest rat colony today expressed his disgust at the current level o…
Doug Ford announces plans to return to role as bully in 80s teen comedy
TORONTO – Following the Toronto mayoral election, second place candidate Doug Ford has announced plans to return to his prior position as the preppy bully in the 1987 film Ski Dudes 2: Back to th…
John Tory strategically votes for John Tory
TORONTO – Toronto mayoral candidate John Tory has chosen not to vote for his first choice for mayor and voted for himself instead. “It was a tough decision, but we can’t afford another four…
TORONTO 2014: The Beaverton’s Guide to voting in a way that pleases our advertisers
Our handy voter’s guide is designed to avoid political ideology and help you make non-partisan choices based on who will benefit us most through advertising and sponsorship deals. MAYOR SPOT OLIV…
