TORONTO – Andy Byford, CEO of the Toronto Transit Commission, has promised that the TTC will become North America’s premier mass transit system by the end of 2017 through large-scale sabotage of …
Toronto
Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts to be renamed Axe Body Spray Fuck Dome
TORONTO – In a move that has caught local patrons off-guard, the Canadian Opera Company and multinational giant Unilever have agreed to a surprise, six-year partnership that will see the Four Sea…
Honest Ed’s condo developer promises to maintain character of community with even worse puns
TORONTO – Honest Ed’s, the Toronto discount shopping institution, will shut its doors today after 68 years. As the neighbourhood mourns its loss, the builders responsible for the redevelopm…
$2 pizza served at transit station probably fine
TORONTO – Commuters travelling through the Bloor-Yonge subway station in Toronto have been given the opportunity to buy pizza for $2 a slice from a folding table, and on the whole decided t…
TTC’s scented holiday candles let riders gift the smell of urine soaked grime
TORONTO – The Toronto Transit Commission is ringing in the holiday season with the release of the Bloor-Young scented candle that gives riders the opportunity to take home the urine soaked …
Outdoor rinks open in time for return of weird guys who skate-dance alone
TORONTO – Despite the fluctuating temperatures this fall, the opening of outdoor rinks across the city has coincided with another holiday tradition: the arrival of strange gentlemen who always ji…
Cellino & Barnes hired to represent Diamond & Diamond for false advertising claims
TORONTO – Diamond and Diamond has announced that it has retained Buffalo, New York personal injury lawyers Cellino and Barnes to handle an ongoing dispute with the Law Society of Upper Cana…
Gardiner fan “stoked to finally pay this sick highway what it deserves”
TORONTO – Self-proclaimed “Gardiner nut” Candace Matthews was thrilled when Toronto mayor John Tory proposed road tolls for her favourite highway earlier this week. “I always felt bad using…
TTC to implement “surge pricing”
TORONTO – Faced with a multi-million dollar budget shortfall and decreasing ridership, the Toronto Transit Commission is looking to raise funds and control congestion by instituting “…
Toronto City Council approves subway extension that goes one stop then immediately runs off cliff
TORONTO – After months of debate, Toronto’s City Council has finally approved a new subway extension that will provide access to the eastern portion of the GTA before immediately plunging i…
