BRASILIA – Amidst a presidential impeachment, numerous public health crises, incomplete infrastructure, and a wildfire that rages throughout the country, Brazilian officials assured the wor…
Sports
Canada gives standing O as Howe makes one last trip to the box
SASKATOON, SK – The entire nation of Canada took to its feet this week to deliver a standing ovation as Gordie Howe, better known as ‘Mr. Hockey,’ made his final trip to the box. Howe was assesse…
Montreal Grand Prix held in Toronto bike lane
TORONTO – After a last-minute change in venue, the biggest event in Canadian racing will be taking place in the bike lanes of Toronto. “Gaaah,” said Laura Yip, a local woman just trying to …
Monte Carlo collects $400,000 in fines from Formula One speed trap
MONACO – Calling it their most successful day yet, the Monte Carlo police force handed out $433,000 worth of speeding tickets in just 3 hours of traffic stops at yesterday’s Formula One rac…
Raptors fan seeks therapy to help cope with success
TORONTO, ON – Long time Raptors fan Dave Burkle admits to suffering unusual amounts of stress and anxiety during the Raptors historic playoff run. “I feel like I lost 3 months off my life,” said …
Russian athlete’s urine burns through testing cup
ROME — A Russian track and field’s athlete’s urine has spontaneously reacted with a testing cup during a routine drug test. The incident occurred some time after the very muscular long-jump…
Dwyane Wade angers Canadians by claiming US won War of 1812 during O Canada
MIAMI — Further angering many Canadians, Miami Heat shooting guard Dwyane Wade has claimed that the United States of America was victorious in the War of 1812 while the Canadian national an…
Non-basketball fans terrified by news of advancing Raptors
TORONTO – Canadians not following this year’s NBA playoffs now find themselves engulfed in a state of panic and confusion after waking up this morning to news of the advancing Raptors. “WAIT, WHI…
Toronto Maple Leafs announce route for Draft Lottery victory parade
TORONTO – After an amazing come from behind win catapulted the Leafs to their first such victory in decades, the team has revealed the time and place of their upcoming Draft Lottery victory…
