SEATTLE, WA – Following the unveiling of Buoy, the abomination currently serving as the mascot for the Seattle Krakens, experts have been divided as to how the joyful creature will interact…
Sports
Hockey Canada board resigns in deference to real victims: Tim Hortons, Nike and Canadian Tire
TORONTO – Hockey Canada’s CEO and board of directors have resigned and finally acknowledged the true victims of a long ordeal that has damaged the sport’s reputation – its corporate s…
Country full of people who hate Toronto gears up to root for its baseball team
TORONTO – As the Toronto Blue Jays get ready to host the Seattle Mariners in the MLB Playoffs this weekend, the approximately 33 million Canadians who don’t live in Toronto are gettin…
Tim Hortons somehow more reputable than Hockey Canada
TORONTO – The nation was stunned and confused this week after the actions taken by two pillars of Canadian society resulted in the disorienting feeling that Tim Hortons is now a more reputa…
Experts debate who is faster: Connor McDavid or The Sponsors fleeing Hockey Canada
TORONTO – For years Connor McDavid has been seen as the fastest force in hockey but now insiders are wondering whether he has been bested by a new competitor: the sponsors getting away from…
Hockey fans training hard to get into peak trash talking shape
MONTREAL – Local Habs fan Jeff Donoghue says he needs just a few more training sessions before he is in mid-season trash talking shape. “Other off-seasons I’ve kind of let my ga…
Hockey Canada insists it can change its culture without replacing leadership, changing culture
OTTAWA – As they continue to resist calls for institutional change, Hockey Canada officials are promising Canadians that they will be able to eliminate the rape culture currently pervasive …
Umpire excited for son to watch him get screamed at
TORONTO – According to local sources, Umpire Thomas Beck is thrilled that his 12-year-old son will have the opportunity to watch him work and be heckled at a Major League Baseball game. “Knowing …
10 biggest changes Hockey Canada has made to ensure sexual assaults will not happen under its watch again
In the wake of the horrific accusations of sexual assault at numerous World Juniors events, Hockey Canada has so far stuck by its CEO and upper management, even reaching out to former sponsors an…
