By Melvin Silver PhD Candidate in Cinema Studies at the University of Toronto Vampire lesbians are a staple of horror films, spawning one of my favorite sub-genres. From the early and subtle appr…
Editorial
Everybody wants that shirt off
By Big House Barry To the business woman I kept seeing in the park: Heyyyy baby. What you sayin’ girl? …Oh, I see, you’re too busy with what’s in that little pocket robot of yours. All full of ph…
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t give a shit what you have to say to me
By a Voice Recorder Listen. First off, I know we’ve been working together for quite some time. I appreciate your loyalty when you could easily buy a more modern and convenient iPod touch with a b…
Anybody want to come over this weekend to help me balance the budget?
By Finance Minister Jim Flaherty Hey hey it’s that time of year again! Old J Flarez is throwing another one of his EPIC help-me-balance-the-budget parties. This party is going to be off the…
It’s not always our fault
By Your Genes Well, we’ve been a pretty convenient whipping boy. Always there to take the heat of personal responsibility. You’re 40 pounds overweight, damn. You must have got that fa…
Our city needs to bind together and do something about the issue currently making headlines
By Catherine Del Pierro Today I would like to write about something that desperately needs all of our attention. Our city has neglected this matter for too long, whatever it is. Yes, it’s time fo…
Hey Stacey I just heard a really good song we should fuck to
By Todd Isaac Stacey, you know how you’re always saying I should be more romantic? Well, I just had to call you about this really great song I heard today. It’s got an awesome beat th…
Being healthy is so overrated these days
By Dale Eckert Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one in the world who sees through all the health-hype. These days, you can’t pick up a magazine without reading about some nonsense guru pushing …
It’s getting pretty crowded around here with all of this high-definition porn you’ve downloaded lately
By Local Disk (C:) The other day I started a spring cleaning project and, oh boy, things have gotten crowded in here. I don’t mean to be petty, but if you could cut back on your downloading, I’d …
So long as you overlook my horrible communication skills, I will make a great intern
By Sanjay Babar Dear Sir or Madam, Thank you for meeting me in person today to discuss this exciting opportunity to work for your company. When my program advisor told me that I needed to complet…
