HAMILTON, ON – With polling projecting the NDP to once again not form a government in the 2022 Ontario Election, 4-time leader Andrea Horwath predicts that she will “definitely work out the…
Ontario
Witnesses confirm sighting of mythical Steven Del Duca
ALGONQUIN PARK – Two hikers who had become lost while trekking back to their campsite in Algonquin Park this Saturday were astonished to observe what is now the first confirmed sighting of the el…
Ontario PCs relieved they have enough votes to win even without all the old people they let die
TORONTO – In the wake of over 4,500 long term care deaths during Ontario’s COVID-19 crisis the provincial Conservative Government is thankful that, despite losing thousands of older PC-lean…
Diversity is Ontario’s greatest strength say 4 white people running for Premier
TORONTO – In the recent Ontario Leaders Debate there seemed to be little the hopefuls for premier agreed upon, but one thing on which all four caucasian candidates did concur was that Ontar…
Local man totally forgets about Ontario election
TORONTO – Despite election day being only a few days away, local man Steven Del Duca says he hasn’t really given it much thought. “Oh right there’s an election happening s…
Doug Ford to self-quarantine following exposure to journalist question
QUEEN’S PARK – Doug Ford’s office says the premier will suspend his campaign activities to self-isolate at home following accidental exposure to a journalist’s question. “The scariest part …
Ontario pharmacies facing shortage of cold medicine for some reason
TORONTO – Pharmacies across Ontario are facing a shortage of cold-fighting household staples, and no one seems to be able to pinpoint the reason why. Across the province, residents are unab…
PROFILE: Who is Steven Del Duca? No seriously, can someone please tell me?
Steven Del Duca is the Ontario Liberal Party’s new leader and candidate for Premier. So just who is Steven Del Duca? No seriously, I’m honestly asking. Which one is he again? His first name and o…
Ontario vows to crack down on stunt driving unless you actually do something sick
TORONTO, ON – The Ontario government released a statement last week pledging harsher penalties for stunt drivers except for those who manage to pull off really gnarly car tricks that will c…
Ontario Conservatives promise universal handguns if re-elected
QUEEN’S PARK – The PC party of Ontario has just announced their bold pledge to provide handguns to all Ontarians if re-elected in June. “My priority is always the safety and welfare of the …