Timmins, ON — While temperatures across much of the country have plummeted, causing the death of a number of elderly and homeless individuals, including local man James Russell, cold weathe…
National
Poll: Canadians overwhelmingly in favour of Olympic hockey team overthrowing, leading government
Following today’s’ Team Canada 2014 Olympic hockey roster announcement, Canadians polled support the team of top athletes toppling the current Canadian government, and subsequently leading the co…
PM Harper wishes Canadians a merry fourth-quarter purchasing cycle
OTTAWA – With the holiday season drawing near, Prime Minister Harper issued a statement today urging all Canadians to enjoy the time of year that brings us closer to our most beloved indust…
Industry Minister James Moore, nation’s poor children only have his words to eat
VANCOUVER- After his remarks that his government didn’t have a responsibility to care for poor children drew strong rebukes from nearly all living humans, Industry Minister James Moore was left w…
RCMP to find missing PMO emails by asking NSA
OTTAWA – To aid in its investigation of the Duffy-Wright expense scandal, the RCMP is seeking help from the NSA. “We have no working relationship with the PMO, or the Senate,” s…
Entire nation stuck behind single, slow-walking man
CANADA – Industry, government, and social gatherings ground to a halt today as every Canadian citizen found themselves unable to get around an Edmonton man out for a very leisurely stroll. …
Harper hopes cyberbullying law puts an end to circulating snapchats of Mulcair’s nipple
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Harper announced in a press conference yesterday that he sincerely hopes his anti-cyberbullying bill will end the disturbing stream of continuous and aggressive Snap…
Canadian math teachers can’t calculate why math scores are dropping
OTTAWA – a recent international survey of mathematical performance by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) has concluded that Canada’s students are only t…
Canadian intelligence agency loses entire porn stash in fire at new HQ
OTTAWA – A fire at the Communications Security Establishment Canada (CSEC) new headquarters has destroyed the internet pornography database used by the intelligence agency charged with moni…
Justice Minister Peter MacKay admits to not fully understanding Canadian ‘legal thingy’
New Glasgow, NS – Justice Minister Peter MacKay faced a “surprisingly difficult and uncomfortable” line of questioning concerning the Canadian legal system while visiting Mrs. MacDonald’s grade f…
