OTTAWA – Minister of Employment Jason Kenney has had enough of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals long history of remaining silent on Israeli-Palestinian affairs. “Listen, I don…
National
Harper slams Chief Justice on choice of outfit
OTTAWA – In the latest jab of his ongoing feud with Chief Justice of the Supreme Court Beverley McLachlin, Prime Minister Harper has slammed the jurist for her choice of outfit. “We think t…
‘Smoke’s’ announces it will now throw out half of your poutine for you
CANADA – Lover’s of Smoke’s Poutinerie nation-wide are breathing a joint sigh of relief, as the company implements a new service policy letting them throw out half of each pouti…
Citing need to appeal to younger demographic, Edmonton rebrands itself “edmntn”
EDMONTON – City officials announced this week that Edmonton would be undergoing a radical “re-branding” aimed at attracting younger residents and improving its klout score. R…
Telus animals seized in exotic baby animal smuggling ring
VANCOUVER – Vancouver police and the BC SPCA have uncovered a sophisticated exotic baby animal smuggling ring and arrested several Telus marketing executives who are implicated. “Telus was …
RCMP: Mike Duffy charged with accepting a bribe from nobody in particular
OTTAWA – RCMP officials announced this morning that suspended senator Mike Duffy will face 31 charges, namely accepting a $90,000 bribe from some guy, or woman, perhaps, who probably isn’t …
Payday lenders refuse to loan Ontario government money
Following the new budget tabled by the Liberal government, leading payday lenders confirmed today they would not extend loans to the Province of Ontario. “Even at the 49.99% interest we charge, w…
Joe Oliver left alone in hot car for 3 hours
Police rescued Joe Oliver from a locked car this afternoon after staffers left the Canadian Finance Minister unattended for three hours. “I’d thought I would only be gone for 10 minutes max,” sai…
Stephen Harper discovers he’s related to Palestinians
OTTAWA – After conducting a DNA ethnic profile, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has learned that he has Palestinian roots. The Prime Minister had decided to take the test after spending hours…
Anti-spam legislation prompts new program to retrain penis enlargement spammers for door-to-door service
OTTAWA – Canada’s new anti-spam legislation has put thousands of penis enlargement spammers out of work, prompting a new workers’ rights group to start a campaign to retrain the…
