POLLEY LAKE, BC – The CEO of the mining company that is responsible for contaminating several BC lakes with arsenic, lead, mercury and other heavy metals, is assuring the public that he kno…
National
United Church scales back inclusiveness by adding in height requirement
TORONTO – In a controversial move, the United Church has implemented a minimum height requirement for all members. “It’s just too easy to get into this Church these days,” Rev. Lawrence Pat…
Harper awards self Victoria Cross for gallant performance at WWI commemoration
OTTAWA – In recognition of his stalwart performance and commitment to national pride at today’s commemoration of the beginning of the First World War, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has reco…
World commemorates anniversary of war that ended, then caused, all wars
LONDON – To honour its centennial year, countries across the world commemorated the war that ended, then caused, all wars. Tributes were made to the fallen at World War I memorials, which w…
MacKay skips Canadian BAR conference to study for his LSAT
OTTAWA – Peter MacKay will miss the annual Canadian Bar Association conference after insisting that he really needs to study for his upcoming LSAT examination. “I had barely enough time to …
August is Cause-Related Marketing Awareness Month
TORONTO – Corporations everywhere are reminding Canadians that they should be aware of all of the good cause-related marketing they have been doing lately. “We think it’s very important tha…
Last known viewer of Mike Bullard Show passes away
TORONTO – John Issac, the last remaining Canadian to have watched Open Mike with Mike Bullard, has died at age 78. Issac, who hailed from New Brunswick, was one of 11 people known to have e…
Chinese cyber spies disappointed by Canada’s complete lack of scientific research
BEIJING – Chinese state-sponsored hackers were disappointed after hacking into Canadian government and business research archives and discovering they contained little to no valuable inform…
Study: 9 out of 10 people on fire don’t care about conflict in Middle East
EDMONTON – A new study has found high levels of apathy among Canadians towards the ongoing violence and chaos in Gaza, as 90% of individuals whose skin was currently ablaze with flames said…
Feds drop Cancer Society’s charitable status after determining organization is politically biased against cancer
OTTAWA – The federal government has removed the Canadian Cancer Society’s charitable status after an CRA audit revealed the organization was conducting political activities with a strong pr…
